Railway World Magazine, September 1976 Issue

TRACES of oxide revealed by the Viking space probe on the surface of Mars confirm the theory, long held by experts in cosmic history, that the planet once had an extensive railway system. Views differ on the sequence of events which led to its abandonment and, in the absence of a strong preservation movement, to its eventual rusting away, but there is agreement that the process began with the publication of a Government Pink Paper on transport policy which claimed that trains were mainly used by an elitist minority of speculators in property and foreign currency. It was urged that such persons should travel in their own cars like other Martians engaged in less lucrative but more worthy pursuits. When the document was debated in Parliament the Leader of the Opposition pointed out that there were actually some Martians who did not own cars. and were unlikely to do so in conditions of a collapsing currency and persistent inflation. He was greeted with cries of "Fascist!" and forced to abandon his speech in the ensuing hubbub. Plans to close the railway system forthwith, however, met with some opposition from the unions concerned, whose leaders expressed indifference to the class of passengers they carried, or even whether they carried any passengers at all, so long as the trains continued to run. It was eventually agreed that the railways should be "phased out" while an expanded programme of motorway construction was put in hand, displaced railway employees being guaranteed continued employment at the same rates in the capacity of lollipop men at pedestrian crossings. When the Leader of the Opposition rose to point out that there were no pedestrian crossings on motorways, his speech was drowned by cries of "Racist!" and "Confrontation!" It would appear that the so-called "canals" and the more recently observed "dried-up river beds" are in fact relics of this phase of Martian transport development. Contrary to the expectations of the Government, however, in the excitement of driving from A to B faster than they had been able to do before, many Martians in the business world were unable to remember what they had come for when they arrived. The economy stagnated in proportion as the motorway network expanded. A final concession was then demanded by the unions, who complained that since the Martian year was 687 days long the annual round of wage negotiations occurred less frequently than on more favoured planets. The Government agreed to carry out trials with rockets in an attempt to blow Mars into a shorter orbit. It is uncertain what technique was used, but the experiments are thought to be not unconnected with the depopulated aspect of the Martian landscape revealed by the Viking cameras.